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“The slaves’ revolt in morality begins when resentment itself becomes creative and gives birth to values — a resentment experienced by those who, deprived as they are of the proper outlet of action, are forced to obtain their satisfaction in imaginary acts of vengeance.”
I was a histrionically jealous person, equally prone to comparison and to judgement. Usually for my own egotistical debasement. Everyone was stronger, smarter, richer. Especially men. I made them my enemy because I perceived them as superior. I resented them and pretended it was a moral cause.
I was a horrid little woman, perpetually outsourcing my value onto complete strangers, all while claiming it as part of my misery. It was never my fault I was so weak; it was likewise never my fault I was strong (if indeed I ever was…).
So many sentences starting with ‘I’. Even now I cannot shake off the egotism.
Self-pity has become currency in this world. We all know it. The weak have to make their weaknesses into strength, because they fear both their own capacity for power and the risk that even when they try, they cannot achieve what they seek. Or, worse, they delude themselves, and assign themselves a level of moral superiority that would make Narcissus cringe.
Believing in my specialness and goodness required a denial of my own capabilities. It required I wallow in the sting and bitterness of inferiority, instead of simply acknowledging it. In many ways I am inferior. But I can still do something with that. I can accept that I will never be as good as others without making myself into a perpetual martyr. I do not have to pretend my weakness is somehow strength, or that it bars me from more strength in the future.
We clamour after this inverse set of virtues. We clamoured after it centuries ago, and here we still are, but worse. It feels delicious. It feels like a soothing ointment that absolves us of all responsibility.
Over time that ointment will slough of your skin and leave it raw. The cycle self-perpetuates.
If you are a woman, do not start reading Nietzsche with Beyond Good and Evil. Start with On the Genealogy of Morals.
It will make his other opinions a lot more palatable.
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